By popular demand I mean my friend Jane who told me she came to the blog last week expecting to see a recap.  Thanks, Jane.  To the rest of you, hearing no objections (which I would ignore anyway), I present the recap of tonight's American Idol.

Let's start with the judges.  Randy, if you even had an ounce of street cred before, you blew it tonight, dawg, with that sweater.  Unless the street is Rodeo drive.  Dude, did you finish the last three holes before showtime?

Some call Kara the fourth judge.   I like to think of her as Tina Fey's next impression.  She might know music, but she can't count right even if she uses both hands.  After Adam sang, Kara dramatically said, "I have six words for you... that was one of the best performances of the night."  Even if you start counting at "one", she still used at least eight words.

To both Randy and Kara, you can't trot out the phrase, "This is what I like about tonight . . ." after only one performance.  That's like me waking up each morning and saying "This is what I like about today"  What?  That I woke up and am still breathing?

Paula, if you are not familiar with the concept of "damning with faint praise", please understand that telling someone they are like a pair of old comfortable jeans does not sound like they wowed you with their performance.  Check out "mixed metaphor" while you're at it.

I think that Simon secretly hates mentored nights.  If Smokey Robinson has just said, "He blew me away" or "He was amazing", how can Simon look anything but bad if he disagrees?  

On to the contestants. . .

Matt performed like Marvin Gaye in his prime, dressed like Tom Hanks in Big.  I love this guy!

Kris, you were so great I can only criticize your shirt.  I can't decide whether it's retro-prisoner of war or late Luke Skywalker.  "Yes, R2, we're heading for the Dagobah system."

Scott, last week Paula urged you to take a risk.  Does that explain the pink pants?  Smokey couldn't find any fault with your performance, which is not exactly as effusive praise.  Please note that this opened the door for Simon to criticize you too.

Megan Joy, apparently your last name is not the only thing that you misplaced.  What happened to your talent?  Paula thought you looked great.  Sure -- for someone whose facial expression was similar to a patient straining to pass a really large kidney stone.

Someday I hope they do a Woodstock week just so I can pair it with Anoopy.  Okay, I'm reaching for that joke and I honestly liked his performance.  However, I believe his eyebrows now need their own telephone number.  "If you'd like to vote for Anoop's eyebrows, dial 1-866-PLUCK-ME.

Michael, you know you're in trouble if Paula doesn't even lead off with, "You look beautiful tonight."  Dude, your singing veered all over the place.  I got whiplash trying to listen.  It also detracts from the emotion behind "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" if you grin through the whole number like Garth Brooks on dope.

Lil, Lil, you're breaking my heart, not to mention jeopardizing my final placement in the AI Pool.  I picked you to win but it isn't going to happen if you don't get back on track.  Tonight, you sang as fast as you can but you couldn't catch up to the song.  On Motown night, you should have nailed the performance, but instead the hammer slipped and you walloped the crap out of your thumb. 

Adam -- holy crap!  Just when people want to write you off as this season's weirdo, you morph into Season 8's David Cook.  That was amazing!

Danny -- Had you not followed right after Adam, the judges' comments would have canonized you.  Unfortunately, when you're already a front runner, just giving a great performance is no longer enough.  Step it up, man.  On another note, let me be the first to state that when Broadway decides to do a play based on the collective movies of Kevin Smith, Danny's a lock to play Kevin.

Allison -- If you're in the bottom three again this week, demand that AT&T check the line.  That was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

Stella - out.

 

You make me laugh out loud! Loved the spot-on comments. :)

Better late than never. I thought you might have given up on AI.:)

I have to agree with every comment you made. (In fact I think I even screamed a couple of them verbatim last night) The only place you have me curious is your Danny/Kevin Smith comment. I will admit that Kevin Smith is my #1 guilty pleasure. Even drove with my daughter from Rochester, NY to Red Bank, NJ for one of his "Evening With"'s And I must be missing something. I see no correlation with church boy widower and Kevin Smith.:-?

You know, I don't feel like I missed the Idol this week, thanks!! But I gotta say, I was really happy when the eyebrows from Puetro Rico got voted off last week - No comparison to Anoop!!:-(:)